There are plenty of great match-ups on the schedule, including another New England-Indy primetime showdown on Nov. 2. But you can read about the top games anywhere.
We instead continue a Cold, Hard Football Facts tradition of contrarianism and lowlight the 12 biggest dogs of 2008, including the first annual St. Bernard Award for the worst match-up on the NFL schedule. Remove the flask, take two shots and call us in 2009.
Detroit at Atlanta, Sept. 7 (Week 1)
Combined 2007 record: 11-21
Peach Tree State pigskin power Northside hosts South Florida juggernaut Booker T. Washington on Friday, Sept. 5. The high school showdown will be broadcast nationally on ESPN2. Lions-Falcons won’t be seen outside of the Georgia Dome.
Miami at Arizona, Sept. 14 (Week 2)
Combined 2007 record: 9-23
The worst team in football since 2006 visits the worst team in football since 1920.
Kansas City at Atlanta, Sept. 21 (Week 3)
Combined 2007 record: 8-24
Sources tell us that both teams will abandon the forward pass in favor of the Flying Wedge, in a long overdue admission that throwing the ball only leads to disaster. The Chiefs and Falcons combined for 35 TD passes in 2007 ... and 35 INTs.
Baltimore at Miami, Oct. 19 (Week 7)
Combined 2007 record: 6-26
Hard to believe it was just 37 years ago that Miami battled Baltimore for the AFC championship.
N.Y. Jets at Oakland, Oct. 19 (Week 7)
Combined 2007 record: 8-24
We plan to call CBS and demand that the network show “
Heidi” instead.
Kansas City at N.Y. Jets, Oct. 26 (Week 8)
Combined 2007 record: 8-24
The Herm Bowl, a stinking acknowledgment that offenses go down the shitter once you hire Herm Edwards. Flush twice.
Oakland at Miami, Nov. 16 (Week 11)
Combined 2007 record: 5-27
Daryle Lamonica threw 34 TD passes for Oakland in 1969. Dan Marino threw 48 TD passes for Miami in 1984. Seven Oakland and Miami quarterbacks combined for 29 TD passes in 2007.
Miami at St. Louis, Nov. 30 (Week 13)
Combined 2007 record: 4-28
We hate to keep picking on the Dolphins, but that’s what happens when you teeter on the brink of 0-16. In terms of combined records in 2007, this is the St. Bernard of 2008: the biggest dog on the schedule. We plan to bring an extra barrel of brandy, in the hopes of erasing the pain.
Miami at Buffalo, Dec. 7 (Week 14), in Toronto
Combined 2007 record: 8-24
It’s fitting that this bomb is being played on Pearl Harbor Day. Last year the Fins played in London. This year they play in Toronto. If the NFL is serious about building the league’s popularity in other countries, maybe they could start by sending a team that even people in Miami want to watch. On top of that, NFL whipping Buffalo is now resigned to playing home games in foreign lands.
San Francisco at Miami, Dec. 14 (Week 15)
Combined 2007 record: 6-26
The long-anticipated showdown of Alex Smith vs. John Beck! What a difference 24 years make.
New Orleans at Detroit, Dec. 21 (Week 16)
Combined 2007 record: 14-18
Second-century Saints could only wish they were thrown to these clawless Lions. Two of the NFL's most consistently clueless franchises battle in a game that will probably have no bearing on anything other than the misery of their fans.
St. Louis at Atlanta, Dec. 28 (Week 17)
Combined 2007 record: 7-25
This should be memorable: that guy who coaches the Rams leads his team into battle against that what's his name who coaches the Falcons. We can't wait to see that guy there, you know, the tall one, play quarterback for Atlanta.
The NFL released 
