When Marty Schottenheimer’s mediocre career as an NFL linebacker ended in 1971, he was 28 years old. Assessing his career options, he made a safe choice and went into real estate. And for three years, that was his life.
Ah, but Schottenheimer missed football. He devoted himself to becoming a professional coach and started with a bottom-rung 1974 job in the soon-to-be-defunct World Football league.
A long decade after getting that ill-fated first gig in a dying league, Schottenheimer got his big break: He took over as interim head coach of the Browns in 1984.
With his boisterous gusto, has also been quoted endlessly and famously on NFL Films. He has even been incorporated into an Eminem lyric: “cursing at you playas worse than Marty Schottenheimer.”
Last weekend, Schottenheimer earned his 200th win (playoffs and regular season combined). Only six other coaches have done that in the NFL, and you know their names well: Shula, Landry, Halas, Lambeau, Noll and Reeves.
Unfortunately,
as the Cold, Hard Football Facts detailed recently, Schottenheimer is haunted by his 5-12 playoff record. He has made the playoffs 12 times (four in Cleveland, seven in Kansas City, one in San Diego), but has come up short in three AFC title games.
In 2006, Schottenheimer is blessed with the most dominant team he has ever coached. The Chargers are an average of 12.45 points better than their opposition through 11 games. (The previous best for a Schottenheimer team was the 1997 Chiefs, who were +8.94 points a game). Plus, he
has one of the best offenses in modern NFL history and a true superstar
in LaDainian Tomlinson, something he never had in his previous stops – unless you count Bernie Kosar or an end-of-the-line Joe Montana.
The Chargers come in at No. 2 in our Dominant Dozen this week, just a hair in Peyton Manning’s fake mustache behind the 10-1 Colts. But their coach will again be judged by what he does in the postseason.
THE DOMINANT DOZEN:
1. INDIANAPOLIS (previous rank: 2)
Last week: The Colts beat Philly 45-21 for their first win of the season by 20 points or more. They had three such wins in 2005 and five in 2004.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Reggie Wayne is still considered the No. 2 receiver for the Colts, but since 2004, he has 3,237 receiving yards to Marvin Harrison’s 3,080. Harrison leads in TDs (32-25) and catches (229-220).
Next: at Tennessee.
2. SAN DIEGO (previous rank: 3)
Last week: LaDainian Tomlinson was held to a measly two rushing TDs in a come-from-behind home win over Oakland.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: If the season ended today, San Diego would have the 8th best offense of the Super Bowl Era (32.09 PPG). Tomlinson has led the league in yards from scrimmage (2003) and rushing touchdowns (2004), but he’s never led the NFL in rushing yards (3rd this season, 1,146 yards).
Next: at Buffalo.
3. CHICAGO (previous rank: 1)
Last week: Rex Grossman raised the always-boiling blood pressure of bratwurst-infused Chicagoans with a rough game (three INTs) as the Bears lost in New England.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Outside linebacker Lance Briggs has 45 solo tackles, five negative run stuffs and three forced fumbles over his last six games.
Next: vs. Minnesota. Chicago is the only team in the playoff mix that has no games remaining against quality opponents.
4. BALTIMORE (previous rank: same)
Last week: The Ravens improved their NFL-best turnover margin to +15 in a vicious shutout of the punch-drunk Steelers.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Steve McNair has a passer rating of 96.76 since Brian Billick took over the play calling five games ago; it was 64.09 with the since-fired Jim Fassel as offensive coordinator.
Next: at Cincinnati (Thursday night).
5. NEW ENGLAND (previous rank: 6)
Last week: The Patriots contributed to an interconference sweep with a home win over the Bears. (The AFC was 4-0 in Week 12 and is 15-4 vs. the NFC over the last four weeks.)
Cold, Hard Football Facts: With Benjamin Watson leading the team in receptions (45), the Patriots have already completed more passes to tight ends in 2006 (59) than they did in 2005 (57). Ben Coates was the last tight end to be New England's top pass catcher (67 in 1998).
Next: vs. Detroit. Who knew they played exhibition games in December?
6. DALLAS (previous rank: 7)
Last week: Tony Romo threw five touchdown passes in a 38-10 Thanksgiving rout of Tampa Bay.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: With Martin Gramatica replacing Mike Vanderjagt, the Cowboys will be using their fifth different placekicker in the last two years. Over that span, Dallas kickers have hit just 6 of 13 field goals from 40 or more yards away (46 percent).
Next: at N.Y. Giants.
7. KANSAS CITY (previous rank: 8)
Last week: Kansas City extended its home winning streak to five with a Thursday night win over Denver.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: The Chiefs are currently ninth in the league in scoring defense (allowing 18.63 PPG); they haven’t ranked in the top 10 since Schottenheimer’s 1997 team was the best in the NFL.
Next: at Cleveland. Kansas City has three quality opponents remaining but plays two of them at home.
8. DENVER (previous rank: 5)
Last week: The Broncos’ slide (three losses in five games) continued against the Chiefs.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Coach Mike Shanahan has never started a rookie quarterback in his NFL head-coaching tenure, but Jay Cutler will get the nod on Sunday. The last rookie QB to start for Denver was Tommy Maddox, who coach Dan Reeves tabbed to fill in for an injured John Elway in 1992.
Next: vs. Seattle.
9. NEW ORLEANS (previous rank: 12)
Last week: The Saints reopened the bandwagon doors with a 31-13 win in Atlanta; they’re now 4-2 on the road this season.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Drew Brees is on pace for 5,046 yards this season, a number that would be second all-time behind Dan Marino’s 5,084 in 1984.
Next: vs. San Francisco.
10. SEATTLE (previous rank: 13)
Last week: Shaun Alexander took to the snow like a sled dog, rushing for 201 yards Monday night to pull the Seahawks ahead of the Packers in wintry Seattle.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Seahawks quarterbacks have turned it over 21 times through 11 games this year; they only had 30 turnovers in the 2004 and 2005 regular seasons combined.
Next: at Denver.
11. CINCINNATI (previous rank: 14)
Last week: The Bengals went to Cleveland and pitched their first shutout since 1989 (a time when Boomer Esiason was a young QB of 28 and gas cost $1.12 a gallon).
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Carson Palmer endured eight turnovers and 15 sacks in his first four games (5.75 negative plays per game); since then, he’s only averaging 2.86 negative plays a game.
Next: vs. Baltimore (Thursday night).
12. CAROLINA (previous rank: 10)
Last week: Jake Delhomme threw two interceptions in a bad loss at Washington. Including the playoffs, Carolina is 9-1 since the start of 2005 when Delhomme is pick-free, 10-10 when he throws at least one INT.
Cold, Hard Football Facts: Keyshawn Johnson’s average of 11.5 yards per catch is the lowest of his 11-year career.
Next: at Philadelphia (Monday night).
THE TEPID TWENTY:
13. JACKSONVILLE (6-5, previous rank: 9) – Jags’ defense allowing 7.1 PPG in wins, 24.8 PPG in losses.
14. N.Y. JETS (6-5, previous rank: 16) – Mangini is the fourth straight Jets coach to debut with more wins than his predecessor had in the prior season (4-12 under Edwards in 2005).
15. N.Y. GIANTS (6-5 previous rank: 11) – Fading G-Men now have a record of 6-13 during the second half of the season in the Tom Coughlin era (17-7 in first half).
16. BUFFALO (5-6, previous rank: 21) – Y2K curse? Unless the Bills win out, this will be their seventh straight season this millennium without reaching the 10-win mark (11 wins in 1999).
17. MIAMI (5-6, previous rank: 20) – Since the start of '05, Saban’s Dolphins have two 3-game losing streaks, a 4-game losing streak, a 4-game win streak and a 5-game win streak.
18. PHILADELPHIA (5-6, previous rank: 15) – RB Westbrook is quietly having an amazing season: 136.9 yards from scrimmage a game, 6.18 yards a touch, 8 TDs.
19. ST. LOUIS (5-6, previous rank: 22) – On 435 pass plays (including sacks), QB Bulger has just four interceptions. The record for fewest INTs thrown in the modern era: 1961 AFL Oilers (three).
20. ATLANTA (5-6, previous rank: 18) – Michael Vick should have given the finger to his defense; Falcons have allowed 27.7 PPG over their last seven.
21. SAN FRANCISCO (5-6, previous rank: 19) – Kryptonite! Pedestrian red shirt replaces snazzy suit and Nolan’s Niners lose the magic.
22. MINNESOTA (5-6, previous rank: 23) – Vikings have allowed a TOTAL of 106 yards rushing the last four weeks (1-3 over that span).
23. PITTSBURGH (4-7, previous rank: 17) – Somebody get these poor bastards some Tylenol.
24. GREEN BAY (4-7, previous rank: same) – RB Green has only 127 yards rushing on 49 carries the last three games (avg. of 2.59).
25. TENNESSEE (4-7, previous rank: 28) – Titans are 4-1 when scoring 24 points or more, 0-6 when scoring less than 24.
26. WASHINGTON (4-7, previous rank: 29) – Good news: Redskins have allowed three rushing TDs (1st in NFL). Bad news: They’ve allowed 21 passing TDs (31st).
27. CLEVELAND (3-8, previous rank: 25) – Rookie OLB Wimbley a bright spot with 7.5 sacks.
28. HOUSTON (3-8, previous rank: 26) – Texans have never scored more than 31 points in a game in their brief history.
29. TAMPA BAY (3-8, previous rank: 27) – Bucs averaging just 10.6 points a game in their eight losses.
30. OAKLAND (2-9, previous rank: same) – Despite 0-7 record vs. quality opponents, defense has allowed just 19.9 PPG in those games (ninth in NFL).
31. ARIZONA (2-9, previous rank: same) – Cards threw 30 passes and ran just twice in the second half of loss to Minnesota.
32. DETROIT (2-9, previous rank: same) – With the least-taxing schedule in the league (only three quality opponents), Lions have the worst record. Welcome to rock bottom.
